And I'm Finally Ready
by FlowerPetalsToTheWind
Summary: Thought I would never get over it. But I'm a new person. The saying goes, “Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn.” Well I am a new woman. And I have been scorned. And I am finally ready.
1. Prolgue

_I thought I would never get over it. Though everyone promised me I would. For me, it was always meant to be. Though, now I think about it. It defied law on both sides of the mythological world. It was wrong. But for me, it was so right. _

_I was heartbroken that night. Even though I knew it was coming. I knew it; I had tried to prepare for it. But when I heard those words, in that forest, my world came crashing down. I don't think I ever really got over it. That's probably why I'm here now. I'm not quite sure how I got here. It feels like fate. Well, if that counts as fate, seeing as I planned it. Planned my own fate._

_I travelled all night. Since I've changed I suppose I should have really got over it. But I just don't know why but I can't. I can't let go. Maybe I'm completely screwed in the head now. That's what everyone said before I left. They think I've committed suicide. In a way, I have. But now I'm better for it. And I'm finally ready._

_I stand here now, a new person. The saying goes, "Hell hath no anger like a woman's scorn." Well I am a new woman. And I have been scorned._


	2. Chapter 1: Maybe If

I tried to follow. But he was just so fast! I got lost very quickly. I was tired now. I was in the middle of nowhere. Surrounded by taunting trees that had watched him leave me. Only those trees had eyes fast enough to follow him. But they wouldn't tell me where he had gone. I wanted to scream. I had called his name so many times but he wouldn't come back for me. He left me behind like he promised he would never do. I felt betrayed, heartbroken and lonely.

I woke up sweating. And screaming. I shut up immediately. I knew Charlie hated it when I screamed in my sleep. Oh God, what if I had been calling "his" name in my sleep? I knew Charlie hated that more than anything. My chest hurt so much. I ached with longing. But it was turning into something else. It was anger. How dare he muck my life up so much? Why did I ever come to Forks? If I hadn't of come I would have never met him. If I had skipped Biology maybe I would have never met him then either. If he had left me alone at lunch then maybe I would never have known that he didn't in fact hate me like I first though.  
Maybe.  
If.  
Two words I hated the most at that moment. I couldn't change history. No matter how much I wanted to. I loved him. I loved him so much and he left me. I sat there in the dark room contemplating my thoughts and emotions. They were so messed up.

It had been a couple of weeks since that day in the forest. I had been a complete wash out. I know. People kept telling me so. "C'mon Bella, you have to get over it."  
"Bells, snap out of it? Are you ok? You look terrible." Yeah thanks for that, I remember thinking at the time. Ok so I'd been daydreaming a lot. But I couldn't help it. I just didn't want to be me anymore. It hurt too much. But now I felt weird. This anger burned so fiercely inside me. I had never felt like this before. It was taking over. It took over. Completely.

I went downstairs. Charlie was in his usually chair watching a late night game. I went over to him. "I'm sorry." I said simply. He looked shocked for a moment,

"For what Bella?" he asked, quizzically,

"For everything. But it will get better now. I'm going to make it better." I told him reassuringly.

"What do you mean Bells?" He asked even more puzzled now.

"I'm done with emotions. I'm done with all of this. I'm done with being human. I'm sorry Charlie but I know how hurt I've made you. But I'm going to end it now." I was now sure as to what I was going to do. How to rid myself of emotions. It was easy. I kissed Charlie for what I knew would be the last time. I headed for the door. At this point Charlie got up and called me back,

"Bella? What are you doing? Isabella Swan, come back here! Please!" I looked at him sadly.

"I'm sorry Charlie," then I paused, "Bye dad." And I left. Never to see my dad again.

Sounds pretty sad, I know, I was there. But it had to be done. I had to be rid of everything in my life. I had to sever any connections to humanity I could. Then I left. I travelled anywhere and everywhere I found stories of "them".

Finally I found one. I was in Alaska and had been for only two days. That pain in my chest ripping me apart every night since I left Forks. But I thought now that I had finally found one I could be free from that pain. I sat there in the middle of a park and waited. It sniffed me out, of course. It stood at the other end of the park to me and I stared it in the eye. It was tall. A lot taller than me. With white skin and deep black eyes which spelled out hunger. "I know you are a vampire. And I know why you're here." I said in a calm low tone which I knew it could hear as clearly as if it was right next to me. "But please don't kill me. That's not why I'm sitting here tonight. I want to become one of you. If you spare me, I will pay you back willingly however you wish." I finished my final request. It was next to me in seconds.

"How did you know?" it hissed quietly.

"Because I do. Now did you listen to my proposition?" I asked impatiently. It was cold and I wasn't in the mood for it to play with its potential food.

"I did. But I'm hungry, my throat is burning and you smell so good, so how am I going to benefit from this?" it's hissing was sounding very irritated now.

"I don't know. Maybe I will gain a special ability which could be of use to you. Or maybe I could be a good hunter and could hunt with you or maybe I will be a good tracker. I don't know, but you never do until you find out." I tempted. It looked at me, analysing my every feature.

"You're offer sounds very tempting but your blood smells even better." I was slightly unnerved by this.

"Well there you go; it could be a win-win situation for you. You get to taste my blood, plus you get a new-born vampire doing what you will until the debt is paid." I tried to sound unconcerned about this vampire still wanting to kill me.

It raised an eyebrow, and then licked its lips. "Well we'll see what happens then, won't we? If your plan doesn't work out then I get a very tasty feed." And with that it lunged for me and plunged its very sharp and venomous teeth into my neck.


	3. Chapter 2: Panic

I gasped and screamed and tried to struggle. This was a plan that had gone extremely wrong. I knew you couldn't trust one of them! Hadn't I fallen for them before? Did I ever learn? I struggled with all my might, knowing it was useless against this supernatural being. I felt the blood being drawn from my neck. I pulled away and pushed away from it but it was no use. Suddenly there was a dog barking. A light blinded me for just a second. I felt the teeth let go slightly. With this new opportunity, I broke free from its grasp. I ran towards the light.

Suddenly I heard him in my head. "Why did you do that? You're so stupid! What have you done to yourself? What part of keep yourself out of danger did you not get?!" I knew it was another hallucination. I had experienced the same thing when doing stupid stuff with Jacob. I kept running as I felt the blood slide down my neck. A burning feeling was spreading itself from the bite. The light turned out to be headlights. Someone got out of the car,

"Quick! You there, hurry up! Oh my God, are you alright, honey?" I felt an arm guide me towards the car, the foreign voice trying to comfort me. I felt the tears on my face for the first time. It hadn't followed me. That was one good thing. Oh my, the burning! It hurt so much! It over threw the pain in my chest, which was almost welcoming. I had never felt so alive! I screamed in pain and pleasure. I hated the pain but loved the fact I was no longer numb. But that pleasure subsided very quickly as the burning coursed through my body. I writhed in agony. I felt human hands on me. Trying to comfort me or what, I never knew or found out. I was almost blind now with the pain but knew I couldn't stay in the car. If they took me to a hospital, I could potentially massacre. Or be massacred if they learnt I wasn't human. I found a door handle and yanked. It opened and I pushed myself out of the moving car. I felt hands grapple wildly, not expecting my actions, trying to cling onto me. But I wriggled free and fell out the car. I hit the tarmac hard. I rolled with all my might away from the car. I didn't want to be followed. I didn't feel the pain from my exit as the burning was now excruciating. I started to roll down a bank without any control over my actions.

I felt myself hit a tree and stopped incredibly fast. But again there was no pain except the burning. I knew I must have broken a few bones during the escapade but it didn't matter. All I could think about was the burning. I screamed and screamed. But it didn't comfort me. I forced myself to quieten down because I didn't want anyone to find me.

I cried and writhed and bit my tongue and lashed out at everything I came into contact with around my damp bed of leaves in the deserted forest. But I no longer made loud sounds as I knew now that I was transforming and I could not be found by anybody. The pain seemed to last centuries. And I thought I was actually going to die. I didn't think I would survive this amount of pain, I felt like I was on fire, being burnt alive. I don't know if I ran out of tears but I kept crying.

Then, at some point, I started to get cold, ice cold, as if someone had chucked me in a frozen lake to extinguish that ongoing fire. I lay motionless for a while until I felt almost normal. I opened one eye and immediately closed it. Everything had been so sharp. Like I could have seen bugs on the leaves of the trees.

I tried again and opened an eye. Then the other. I sat up. I felt slightly colder than usual but it wasn't uncomfortable. I looked at my marble skin. The sun was dappled through the leaves in the trees. When the light touched my skin, it bounced off like glitter. "I'm a, I'm a, a, a vampire." I said to myself in utter shock. That had been the first time I used that word since he had left. I stood up and then I felt it.

My throat burned with thirst. I looked around. My vision was so sharp. Then I smelt it. Blood. It wasn't that good. It must have belonged to an average size stag but I was so thirsty I didn't care. I ran at an impossible speed. It was in my sight in seconds. I bent into a crouch. I pounced on it before the stag had even twitched its ear at my movement. Its blood eased the burning. I felt better for it, stronger.

I left the corpse of the dead animal and ran towards the road. Then I smelt him. A vampire was within a mile of me. He had a familiar scent like I had smelt him faintly with dull human senses. I knew that if I could smell him then he could certainly smell me. I ran away from the scent, deciding I wasn't going to keep my end of the bargain with that vampire as I knew that before he certainly wasn't going to stick to his.

I lost his scent pretty quickly but kept running. I didn't want to be chased. I knew that as a new born I would be faster and stronger than other vampires but I didn't want the risk of having a limb torn off that day. I needed all my limbs for where I was going.

Ever since that epiphany in Forks that night I left Charlie, I had known exactly what I wanted to do. After travelling all night, dawn broke in Alaska. I went to visit the Denali Coven to see if they knew where to find what I was looking for. They were very helpful. I went on my way with their promise that they wouldn't mention me to anyone, not that they really knew who I was as I wouldn't tell them.

I must have been running for a few days when I caught a scent of vampire. But it was old. They had passed a while ago which meant I was days behind them. I kept tracking, which I found wasn't my special ability, if I even had one.

By this time, my throat was burning again. There were no humans about at all, though I craved for their blood more day by day. Thankfully there was a pack of wild yak grazing in an open field. I took down the biggest, strongest male from the pack and quenched my burning thirst. I felt much better for it. The burn was still there but it wasn't severe or annoying. It was now just a part of me.

I carried out my search for another month. It came to nothing. Bored of running, I stole a car. Having no destination, I just drove. I finally found myself driving down familiar roads. Throughout the night I toured Forks; foggy, human memories floating through my mind. I stopped about a mile away from Charlie's house, my home, and stared. With my sensitive hearing I could hear his snoring. It made me smile having a sense of familiarity again. I wandered again and found myself at the school. There was a new tree planted in the car park. Its nimble branches bobbed slightly in the faint whispers of wind. There was a plaque beneath it. I went over to the tree and read it:

_In loving memory of Bella Swan.  
Though she was never found her spirit will remain in our hearts forever.  
And Hope will be right next to it._

My eyebrows rose slightly. That was when I discovered that everyone thought I had committed suicide. Well, at least it gave them closure even if it gave them no body. I sat down and stayed by the tree until dawn. I realised that day that in all my selfish travelling, I had been missing from Forks for two years. I didn't feel different because I was still trapped in an immortal eighteen year old body. When I heard cars I decided to move.

I sat at the edge of the forest and looked down on Forks holding my breath for fear of losing all sense of control if, for one second, I caught the smell of human blood. I could see everyone arrive at school. Flowers were still being put around the memorial tree. Even from here, I heard the bell signal class. As everyone disappeared inside I headed back down to the school. I was very near when I smelt it. The vampire was standing in front of the plaque of the memorial tree. I watched, astounded, as he placed his own enormous and beautiful bouquet of flowers down in front of it. When he straightened again, he stood there for a few minutes. I took in his scent. I knew it but it was frustrating to try and tease it from dulled human senses and memories.

Finally he turned around and I gasped. His topaz eyes bore into my red ones and his widened in shock. I panicked in those few milliseconds and ran away as fast as I could. I heard him follow but I was too fast and eventually I lost him. I kept running until I was a mile away from Forks. I had to take deep steadying breaths. Not for oxygen but to try and calm myself. I thought I had given up looking for him. But in those few milliseconds I had been face to face with Edward Cullen.


	4. Chapter 3: Memorials and Memories

I couldn't believe my own, accurate, eyes. I had stood metres away from Edward and the pain hadn't ripped my chest open with hurt. I knew I had to see him again though. That longing was back. He was like a drug. I was addicted but I had to give him up. I had withdrawal symptoms and it damaged me. Then I got a taste of his beautiful face at school again today and I was hooked all over again. The best part was that it didn't hurt. I could say his name and it wasn't painful. Edward! Edward! Edward Cullen! I was high.

I was also nervous. I was a vampire now and he didn't know it. That was why I couldn't approach him. I decided to go to the Cullens' old house. As I suspected the lights were on. I wasn't ready to go up to them though. I strained my ears to try and hear any conversation within the house. But I heard nothing. I headed back to my parked, stolen car.

The next day I watched people dressed in black head towards the church. The bells rang out in mourning. I watched Charlie come out of the house in his dark suit. As he left I bolted through the open door in the second he took to blink. I went up to my old bedroom. It was exactly how I had left it. I fished in my wardrobe for something that was unlike me. I found a black dress and a dark veil that no one would be able to see my face through if I wore it. I had never seen the veil before. It certainly wasn't like me. Good. I got changed and ran to the church. When I a few yards away I walked at a human pace. Everyone gathered at the church and filed into pews. I sat at the back on my own. A vicar stood at the Pulpit and addressed the mourners,

"Family and friends, welcome. Today we mourn the loss of young Bella Swan. At only seventeen, she is a tragic loss to our community." The vicar carried on his speech. My eyebrows almost reached my hairline. I was utterly taken aback by the fact I was attending my own Memorial.

My eyes rested on the Cullens who were lined along a pew further back than everyone else. They sat inhumanely still. Like statues. That reminded me to fidget. I crossed my legs and looked up to see Charlie stand to say his speech. "Bella was, um," he cleared his throat, struggling with composure. I felt like I wanted to cry if I could. I felt devastated with how I had hurt and abandoned Charlie. I wanted to run up to him and hug him. But instead I remained seated and listened, "Bella was a very special girl. She was my only kid and I will be forever grateful for her." Charlie cleared his throat again, "We have been looking for her for two years now. I still hope every day that we will find her. I will keep that hope and keep looking until the day I die. But I want her to be remembered, here in Forks. I see the school has already had a tree planted in her name and I thank the school deeply for their contribution. Um, Bella was a good girl. Good cook," Charlie chuckled slightly, "She was smart, funny and so beautiful. I think about her everyday. I'm sure you all do too. We will all miss her very much." He cleared his throat again and retreated back to his seat blinking rapidly. I sniffed; I mourned the loss of my family as much if not more than they missed me. For they would always have hope. I couldn't have that. Suddenly my throat burned. My eyes widened, I had breathed in when I sniffed. I twitched slightly, fighting with myself over control. Swiftly I ran from the church and up to the forest in the middle of Renée's speech. I tore the veil off and took deep breaths to clear the beautiful smell from my system. I was proud of my self-control. But it had been very close.

I stayed up in the forest all day. I took down a deer just to overcome the thirst that the smell of human blood had given me. I was slightly shaken by the fact I could have killed and been killed that day. I would have killed those friends and family who had come that day because they loved me. Then I would have been killed by the ones I love for being a strange and dangerous vampire killing their human community. Now that would have been a huge mess and all because I sniffed.

That night I dared to go back down into town. I went to go sit by the tree again at school. As dawn broke, I heard someone behind me. I went to turn but they started to talk and I froze panic stricken, "Who are you?" he said.

"No one." I whispered and I ran. This time he was ready though and he came straight after me. He was really fast. I had always known that but this time I was slightly faster. He kept up chase though and even when he lost me by lengths I knew he was still behind me. We kept running as neither of us could tire. Unexpectedly he was right behind me and so was another two vampires. I knew exactly who was in my wake. I pushed on further knowing I wasn't ready to face them yet. I could feel them right on my heels. Abruptly they halted though. The first vampire yelled after me,

"You'll die out there! That's Quileute territory!" I turned, Edward stood there shaking his head while Emmett and Jasper watched me run. Soon they were out of my sight as my legs carried me deeper into the trees.

**Thanks for all the support, keep the reviews coming. I've had a couple people add this as a favourite story and/or added me as a favourite author. Thank you so much!! It is one of my favourites too. So I would personally like to thank 4kitty101, vampiregirl1654 and socalrose for making my day!  
FlowerPetalsToTheWind**


	5. Chapter 4: I forgive you

I couldn't believe I had been so close to the Cullens again. It felt unreal. But now I was moping in Quileute territory praying none of the wolves would find me. I really didn't feel like being torn to shreds by over sized dogs. I was really dragging this out now. I had to pull myself together and go see Edward. Maybe go see all the Cullens. Yes! I would! Before I could ponder on it or try and chicken out of it again I started to head back to the Cullens' house.

Throughout the journey I wondered what I was going to say. "Hi everyone, it's me Bella and guess what, I'm a vampire too." No, that was definitely not going to be the approach. "Um, hi, long time no see." Nope, that was not really me. "Excuse me, could I speak to all the Cullens please." No, that was just stupid; if they smelt me they would all be at the door anyway. I then wondered if what I would say would change by who actually answered the door. "Hi Edward, it's me Bella. But I've changed a bit." Or, "Hello Emmett, please don't kill me, I'm Bella." This wasn't working. I decided it would have to be on a whim and I would just have to say the first thing that came into my head.

I saw the lights at the house and stopped. Damn. Maybe I had been hoping slightly that they would all be out and I could have psyched myself up for another day. But I knew I had to do it now. I approached the house very slowly. I came to the front door and hovered for a couple of minutes.

Finally I mentally slapped myself and knocked on the door. Willing my feet not to betray me and carry me off again I waited patiently. The door opened and I stood face to face with Carlisle. I smiled slightly. "Hello Carlisle. It's me, Bella." I attempted. His eyes widened in shock.

"Bella?" he couldn't quite believe it.

"Yes." I nodded, wanting to cry. He opened the door wider and opened his arms. I flung myself around him and received my first hug in 2 years. It felt so good.

"But how can this be possible. We all thought you were dead." Carlisle asked, bewildered.

"I was." I answered, "But now I'm not." I laughed. I kept my arms wrapped around Carlisle for a few minutes enjoying the first loving contact I had received in a very long time. Finally he pulled away and guided me inside the house. "Where is everybody?" I asked,

"Hunting." He replied. I nodded. He stood there and looked me up and down. Then he walked around the back of me before coming back and standing in front of me again.

"You're a vampire." He stated in incredulity, "How?"

"I was very stupid and trusted a vampire with red eyes." I answered warily. He shook his head.

"I'm so sorry Bella. You must have had no one to look after you." He apologised sadly.

"Oh, don't worry Carlisle; it was my own stupid mistake. I went out looking for him, the vampire, and I knew the risks."

"You went out looking for a vampire? Oh my," Carlisle sat down heavily on a chair. "How did you escape?" he whispered,

"Shear luck." I answered simply. He nodded in acknowledgment then shook his head sadly. "What's wrong Carlisle?"

"You're the vampire that has been roaming Forks. The boys have been looking for you. We thought you were a threat. We smelt you everywhere. You kept coming into town. Are you a human drinker?" he asked the question in a whisper. I thought about it for a second. I was going to say yes but then I realised that I hadn't actually drunk any human blood. Carlisle sat patiently waiting for my answer.

"I was going to say yes. But actually I've never hunted them. I've been living in the forest so I've been drinking animal blood. Forks has been the first civilisation I've come to and though they smell absolutely divine, I keep running away so as not to attack them because most people in Forks are my friends." I explained. Carlisle smiled at this. Then frowned,

"But your eyes are still red. They should have changed colour by now if you're on an animal diet." Carlisle pointed out. I frowned. He had a point.

"Well I can assure I haven't been hunting humans so it's a mystery to me too as to why they haven't changed." I replied. He smiled,

"Yes well, we know that you've always been different." I smiled too.

We sat down and talked for a long while. He answered my questions and I answered his. He wanted to know all about my new life as a vampire. I happily told him, glad to have someone I could finally talk to. During the early hours of the morning, we heard the rest of the family return. "Don't worry," he assured me, "I'll help you. We can explain to them. They won't be mad, I promise." He answered my thoughts.

The front door opened and Esme walked through. I smiled seeing her again. She spotted me and looked worryingly at Carlisle who smiled encouragingly and gestured that she sit down. Next came Rosalie and Emmett who both did exactly the same but also sat down. Jasper came through the door and did exactly the same as the others but chose to stay standing. Alice came through the door and stood next to Jasper. And finally he came through the door. Edward looked at me then at Carlisle. Carlisle gestured he sit down as well. But he stayed where he stood. Carlisle sighed. He faced the new audience. "Well everybody, this is the mysterious stranger that has been haunting Forks for the past few days." He started, "Look closely at her. Look who it is." He pushed. I felt like blushing when everyone started to scrutinize me.

Edward stepped forward and examined me. Then he paused. "I can't read your thoughts." His eyes widened in recognition but he shook his head disbelievingly. "She's dead. It can't be. Bella?" he whispered. I beamed that he was the first to recognise me. I nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes," I whispered as well, "But I'm pretty." I laughed quietly.

"No." Edward shook his head, "This can't be happening. You're dead. Alice saw it. You were massacred in Alaska by a vampire. You didn't come back. Two years." He stepped closer, "I thought you were dead. But because they never found you I kept hoping that the vision was wrong but not like this." He motioned at me, "I wasn't there, and I couldn't keep you safe. Please don't say this is true. You would have had to suffer the transformation. I wouldn't have been there to save you. Please don't tell me it's true." He stepped even closer. I stepped the distance between us and touched his hand,

"I forgive you." I whispered.


	6. Chapter 5: The Truth

**Thank you so much to all those supporting this story!  
So I would like to thank,  
eliza28  
ro96  
who have added it to their favourites, I'm very honoured.  
I'm also very happy with the people who have taken the time to review it. I read each and every one I get. A very special thanks to Khlarka2 who I think has reviewed every chapter! Thank you very much!!  
So let's get on with the story  
FlowerPetalsToTheWind**

"I forgive you. Oh Edward why don't I just kiss your feet." A whiny voice came from behind me. I was in Edward's room, thankfully Edward wasn't. I turned around and there sat that stupid vampire who had transformed me in the first place on the window sill.

"What are you doing here." I hissed,

"Listening to your sob story." He cackled back, "Oh and I was in the woods for two years living off animals. Forks is my first civilisation. I'm so innocent I don't even know why my eyes are still red." He whined again in a dramatic yet annoyingly accurate mimic of me. I pushed him off the window sill and he fell to the ground below but was laughing when he immediately jumped back onto it.

"Shut up," I hissed, "They'll here you downstairs."

"Does that really matter? We'll just tear their heads off together. How romantic." He whispered seductively in my ear. I pushed him playfully again but he jumped and started kissing my neck.

Ok so I hadn't been quite that truthful with Carlisle. All right, I haven't been quite truthful to you either. My story sort of differs from how I told it. To put it simply, I did keep my bargain with that vampire and sort of fell in love with him in the process. The transformation completely changed me. I was scorned and mad when I changed and that had left a permanent mark on my attitude. I was broken when Edward left me in the woods and it stayed with me when I became a vampire. Secretly I wanted to hope that when I saw him again I would understand why he left me and I would forgive him. But then it all got complicated and I fell in love again with a different vampire and he loved me. Whereas Edward had left saying he didn't want me anymore. I was no good for him.

But now, I was strong, beautiful and impossibly good at being a vampire. My ability? It seemed that my ability was to keep the pace of being a new born. Though my mind was maturing my body stayed fresh and as powerful as the day I was transformed. That was why my eyes were still red. The only truthful part I had told Carlisle was that I was feeding on animals. That was true. I was only feeding on animals. The irony is this vampire who I fell in love with is also called Edward.

I giggled slightly as he kissed my neck. I started kissing him back. "Not yet." I whispered.

"Why not? They're not that tough. And I brought matches." He chuckled, shaking his jacket pocket so I could hear the matched rattle.

"Because I'm still not ready. It's just; Edward looked so gutted and shocked to find out that I had been transformed when he left me." I confided.

"And you weren't gutted or shocked when he left you in those woods?" Edward asked sarcastically.

"I wasn't shocked, no. I knew I wasn't good enough for him." I replied sadly.

"Well, you are more than good enough for me." Edward smiled. He picked me bridal style and cuddled me. Suddenly we both heard someone on the stairs.

"Quick! Go!" I whispered urgently. He lowered me back to the ground and dived out the window just in time as the old Edward walked in.

"Sorry. Did I disturb you?" he asked politely.

"No, no. I was just talking to myself. Becomes a habit when you're on your own too much." I answered back hastily. He nodded. He continued to look at the floor. Since I had touched his hand earlier that day he hadn't looked at me. "Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Why won't you look at me?" he paused after I asked.

"Because you're not the Bella I left behind. You are a red eyed glamour model with hard features and emotionless eyes. I can't see Bella anywhere in them. Can I ask you a question, please?" he continued to gaze anywhere but at me,

"Yes."

"Why did you do it?" he whispered.

"Do what?" I asked innocently,

"Why did you go out looking for a monster like me? And after I told you to stay away from danger too?" he finally looked at me and I wished he hadn't. His topaz eyes were dull and empty. Sadness and tiredness etched his ageless face. This was the question that was haunting my sleepless thoughts since I had been transformed. I knew that if I ever saw him again that he would ask me that. I sighed,

"I think it's time I told you the truth Edward. I'm going to tell you the exact words that run through my mind everyday when I think that same question to myself.

I thought I would never get over it. Though everyone promised me I would. For me, it was always meant to be. Though, now I think about it. It defied law on both sides of the mythological world. It was wrong. But for me, it was so right.

I was heartbroken that night. Even though I knew it was coming. I knew it; I had tried to prepare for it. But when I heard those words, in that forest, my world came crashing down. I don't think I ever really got over it. That's probably why I'm here now. I'm not quite sure how I got here. It feels like fate. Well, if that counts as fate, seeing as I planned it. Planned my own fate.

I travelled all night. Since I've changed I suppose I should have really got over it. But I just don't know why but I can't. I can't let go. Maybe I'm completely screwed in the head now. That's what everyone said before I left. They think I've committed suicide. In a way, I have. But now I'm better for it. And I'm finally ready.

I stand here now, a new person. The saying goes, "Hell hath no anger like a woman's scorn." Well I am a new woman. And I have been scorned." I told him truthfully. His eyes darkened at the same moment mine did.

"That's not how Bella would think." He shook his head sadly.

"I am not the Bella you left behind, Edward. I am a damaged vampire and I am dangerous." I warned feeling the venom drip from my teeth as I prepared myself for a fight.

"But I loved that Bella. I loved her more than words can describe." He said warily looking at me as if in pain.

"You left me! You told me I was no good for you! You said you didn't love me anymore!" I sobbed dry tears.

"Because I had to! To protect you! You said it yourself, it defied law on both sides of the mythological world!" he cried.

"I also said that for me it was right!" I howled. I wished at that moment I could cry. I growled instead. Edward paused with wide eyes when I did. I growled again, deep rumbling noises that came straight from the profound of my chest. It made me feel better. But then he growled back. That was when I knew. It had ultimately come to a head. I was finally ready.


	7. Chapter 6: War

Suddenly we were circling each other. I growled menacingly. He growled viciously in return. We kept circling with two metres between us. I kept my sparkling ruby eyes locked on his dead honey ones. I could see he wasn't up for a fight. He looked worn and depressed. I could kill him in minutes if I wanted to. But did I want to?

In that moment the door flew open and Emmett and Jasper bounded in. They saw the scene in front of them and stopped short. My Edward had obviously heard the commotion as he shot through the window again. "Who are you?" Emmett asked,

"I'm Bella's boyfriend." He said smugly. The other Edward stopped crouching at this point and looked at me.

"Is it true Bella?" he asked me painfully.

"Yes." I whispered. And with that, all Hell broke loose. My Edward lunged straight at Emmett and Jasper who both attacked him at the same time and Edward Cullen pounced him as well but I blocked him and took the full impact of his attack. I snarled ferociously at him warning him to back off from my Edward. He stepped back and I took advantage and dived on him. We both flew out the window.

We landed heavily on the ground below and continued to scrap. I sunk my teeth into his arm and he cried out in pain. But I didn't let go. Like a dog, I clung on with my teeth as Edward fought to kick me off.

"What on Earth? Stop! Stop!" I heard Carlisle in the background but I didn't let it faze me. I finally released Edward's arm and instead took a go at his throat. He grabbed me by my own throat and held me away as I snapped inches away from his face. In a defensive move, I went limp and lay in his lap for a couple of seconds. Foolishly he let go and in that moment I jumped away from him heading metres into the air. I landed a couple of yards away.

As I looked up I saw Edward get up off the ground. Behind him Carlisle and Esme were in complete disbelief. I growled again. Edward took a step forward unsure as to what I was going to do. He couldn't read my mind. I feinted to the left and he followed so I quickly ducked right and charged right into his back. I heard him gasp in pain as I bent him almost completely the wrong way. Again we landed on the floor in a dust cloud with the shear force of impact. We started to fight again but I was disrupted by more hands pulling at me. I turned and both Esme and Carlisle were trying to pull me off Edward. I snapped warningly at both their hands purposefully not biting them as they were not the ones I was fighting with. But it didn't discourage them they kept tugging at me fruitlessly. I got up off Edward and faced them. "Why Bella?" Esme asked me sadly. Before I could answer there was a crash of broken glass as three bodies came through a closed window. I went to help my Edward as he was starting to struggle to keep track of two pairs of snapping teeth.

I dived straight into the cluster of bodies and fought brutally to get Edward out of the tussle. Eventually I managed to drag him away and Emmett and Jasper stood up and snarled quietly. I snarled back in warning.

"ENOUGH!" I heard someone cry. I turned and saw Alice running out the house towards us. Edward and I stood at an invisible border to the Cullens. We stood face to face with them.

"What is going on here? Bella?" Alice turned to me for an answer. But I didn't know what answer to give her. Edward Cullen came to stand next to her with his injured arm held limp at his side. I looked at it in horror and realisation of what I had done. My Edward laughed and said,

"She lied to you! Don't you get it? She didn't come here to forgive anyone. She came to kill Edward!" he put his arm around my waist. But I shrugged him off and turned to face him.

"No! You are the one who has been feeding me with malicious thoughts and bitterness." It was dawning on me now, "You don't love me, you just wanted me to do your bidding. You like to fight. You try to pick a fight with every vampire we come across. This was just another game to you in your sick sport. And now look what you made me do! To Edward!" I pointed sharply at Edward's injured arm. I had realised how much I loved the Cullens. Edward had just been planting false ideas in my head. That was why I didn't want to kill Edward Cullen. Because I knew in the back of my mind where this Edward could never quite reach that Bella was still there and she, I, loved Edward Cullen. More than words could describe. As I screamed all this at Edward he shook with anger.

"How dare you! I looked after you when you were a new born!" he yelled at me.

"You tried to kill me and feed off of me first!" I bawled back. I started to shake with anger too. A heard a deep rumbling escape him and I flew. I attacked him with as much ferocity as he had taught me. But I used skills he never even knew I had. I heard the Cullens behind me but I couldn't let them get involved. This was my fight. I yelled at them to stay back. Thankfully they obeyed. I took the fight to the other side of the house as I didn't want them to see me. Edward was a skilled fighter and gave as good as he got. I took a chunk out of his neck and spat it back in his face. He roared in anger and pain. Suddenly a searing pain shot through my shoulder. I screamed in agony as he tried to tear my arm off at the shoulder.

In a moment Edward Cullen had darted round the house and tackled him off of me and onto the ground. There Emmett, Jasper and Alice joined him in tearing Edward to shreds. They used his own matches to set his pieces alight.

From my spot on the ground I saw the black smoke furl towards the sky. I panted with the pain of my shoulder. I had not experienced pain in two years and it was certainly a shock to the system. I closed my eyes so as not to see anymore of that evil smoke.

After a few seconds I felt myself being lifted up and carried. I didn't bother to open my eyes because I didn't want to see what my shoulder looked like. If I could pass out, that would have been the time I would have chosen to do it.


	8. Chapter 7: Final Excuses

I sobbed on Edward's shoulder for about two days. He was very comforting. I had said sorry so many times, I had lost count. _He_ had said sorry so many times that I had lost count of those too. We sat embraced and were left alone by everyone else. I wept without tears and he rocked me like he used to. It felt so good I couldn't put it into words. The only difference was now I was a red-eyed monster, completely different to the wonderful Cullens who seemed like a completely different species to me. He whispered wonderful things including his explanation for him leaving that made me feel so much better and I understood much clearer.

My shoulder didn't hurt anymore but Carlisle told me it would never heal. It wasn't too bad, that evil little worm of a vampire had only started to tear it, so it just looked like a huge scar on my shoulder.

I sat cuddled with Edward and promised him I would always love him and that I would never do anything like that again.

A few days later when everything was returning to normal, Edward approached me. He kissed me softly on the lips and asked, "What are you going to do about your apparent death?" for a moment, I had no idea what I was going to do about it. But I knew I had to make a decision. Either I continued to fake my death, or I returned to town with an excuse as to why I had been missing for two years and not contacted anybody.

I went into town with my face covered again and went to see Charlie. When I looked in the window, I saw him crying silently, holding a picture of us two together in his hands. That's when I knew I had to return to Forks as Bella. Charlie deserved to be happy and I would visit him with coloured contact lenses and just not breathe. It would be fine.

I went back to the Cullen's house and explained to Carlisle, Esme and Edward what I had decided to do. They nodded encouragingly, proud of my decision. The story would turn out that I went looking for Edward when I left but had a road accident, which is why I have a big scar on my shoulder. I was treated at the hospital Carlisle worked in but was in a coma for those two years. Carlisle would explain I had no ID on me so he couldn't contact Charlie as bandages to my face meant he couldn't be sure if it was me or not.

When we tried this excuse on Charlie he accepted it but mainly seemed so pleased to see me. I held my breath as he embraced me and didn't let go. He was over the moon that I was alive but couldn't quite believe my transformation. "Did you have cosmetic surgery as well Bella?" he half-joked.

"Reconstructive surgery." Carlisle put in. I smiled at him gratefully for helping the feasibility. Charlie understood then and accepted it completely even though I knew and he knew that there were holes in my excuse. He obviously didn't care. He just wouldn't let me go again. Literally. Edward had to ease him off me as I explained that I was staying with the Cullens and so had to go. On our way out, Charlie stopped Carlisle. Edward and I carried on walking arms around each other as we could both hear clearly anyway.

"Thank you so much for saving Bella." Charlie said sincerely to Carlisle, "I've experienced what it's like to lose her now, and if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have had this wonderful moment where she's back in my life. Just make sure she carries ID from now on, won't you?"

"I certainly will Charlie. And I'm sure that Edward will be keeping a very close eye on her from now on too." Carlisle smiled warmly. Charlie tried to return the smile but it didn't quite reach his lips. Edward was obviously still not forgiven for leaving as far as he was concerned. But to me that didn't matter. Because they were both in my life again and I loved them both so much, they didn't need to love each other.

We drove back to Edward's and I was still smiling. This made Edward smile too. We were so happy. Even with my newly formed double life I would have to lead. And to this day, we still are.


End file.
